Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse

And so it was that whilst going to the shops yesterday with dog in tow I noticed a young swift on the ground by someone’s gateway.  Knowing that once on the ground they can’t take off again I decided to try and rescue it (on the way back).

Sure enough it was still there on my way back so I picked it up and took it home.  A couple of years ago I found one in the park (young adult), took it home and tried to launch it unsuccessfully from Matt’s bedroom window sill.  I ended up taking it to the local wildlife rescue centre.  When I lived in Richmond (Surrey not Yorkshire) one flew into the spare bedroom. I folded it up (not literally!) and chucked it back out again and off it flew.

So I was back in Matt’s bedroom and put it on the sill.  After a short while it made an attempt to fly and ended up in the guttering of the kitchen below.  It spent awhile in the gutter walking up and down and avoided falling down the downpipe.  I vainly tried feeding it with some cat food.

At the end of the gutter is a bit of trellis and it managed to get on top of that and try to fly again in vain and it ended up in the garden. I popped it back in the gutter.

Trying to make dinner in the kitchen I saw something fall thru the window...sure enough it was the intrepid swiftlet trying to fly again.  At that moment the phone started to ring.........anyhow once that was sorted I decided to make an improvised nest for it.  This was done with an improvised cardboard strawberry punnet (large), some paper and moss. This was put in the greenhouse.

In the meantime the swift had walked almost the length of the garden. I gathered it up and placed it in the improvised nest. Unfortunately that was the last I ever saw of it! It escaped and could not be found.

Last night as I was dozing off I had an image of a giant swift skimming down, collecting  the little orphan and taking it to swift heaven high in the blue (yes we have some blue sky in the last few days).

If I was a bird then I would love to be a swift. Imagine sleeping, eating and having sex  on the wing.

So it was that on 4^th July that I realised it would have been my (first) wedding anniversary. Hope you had a good one (Independence Day) especially to my American readers.

Thus if I’d stayed married I would have been celebrating my 37^th Wedding anniversary (married in 1970) just after I graduated from Liverpool University.  Coincidentally the 5^th July was my 30^th anniversary of my degree nisi! Enough said.

After over a year of non blogging I have decided to return.

I guess I just got bored back in May 2006....I started on another but never really got into it.

Anyhow a kind of potted update: I worked at the big T up until October.  Despite my best efforts to the contrary my attempts at being a thicko working class worker failed miserably and I started to get picked on by various managers.  OK so the absolute mundanity of the job was getting to me and I started drinking heavily and this was apparently showing in my work.

After two disciplinaries and suspensions which both saw me reinstated I received another in September.  This time two managers gave totally twisted witness statements so I was scuppered. Instead of getting sacked I resigned instead.

In a nutshell I started to drink more and more and stopped eating and became quite ill as a result.  I took myself off to the Doctors and was referred to a specialist clinic at the hospital where it was discovered that I had the beginnings of a cirrhotic liver and a fatty pancreas !

Anyhow I ignored their advice, drunk even more and got poorlier and poorlier.  I wont say how bad I got just to say I was pretty bad.  Anyhow I finally got off the booze and got an almost all clear from the specialist when I saw him earlier this month.

Enough of my medical history!

Matt abandoned his last girlfriend, Nicola (with great sadness and chest beating) when she left for Cardiff University.  Last December he found his current one (7months is a record for him).  She is 18 to his 21 and is Chinese (from Hong Kong originally)and called Fiona.  She has a Chinese name which I can never remember.  It’ll be interesting to see what happens when she goes to Nottingham Uni in the autumn.

Today he has gone to Alton Towers on a treat from Fi and they are staying overnight at a nearby hotel.  At the end of the week he is ‘escorting’ her to her end of school ball, tuxedo and all.

Matt is very into watching Ultimate Fighting on TV and I reluctantly watched it with him.  As far as I am concerned it is one of the ultimate loads of homoerotic rubbish.  Violent as well.  Cos the combatants spend most of the time in intimate clinches on the floor it got me to thinking....

Suppose that one morning we woke up to find that our feet had replaced our hands and vice versa.  How would we cope? Eating? Walking? Toilet?  Etc. Answers on a postcard please.

Will write some more soon.

New blog still ain’t working properly but carry on watching this space for breaking news.

Yesterday at work as a bit of a joke as soon as I arrived I asked Janice (who was on the till) if she wanted a break and she said ‘Yes’. Blimey!!

After 2 customers the touch screen till went into matrix mode and failed to work (still an ongoing situation incidentally).  As I result I worked the till for the rest of the day (I’m the only one there who can do mental arithmetic).

About 10 people got free meals whilst we sorted out a float and stuff.

Janice was banned from till work until it is fixed.  She got very upset as a result and blamed everyone else for this, cried and sulked for the rest of the day.

As a supposed Christian, I reminded her of the need to forgive.

When she eventually came to work today she was in a slightly better mood and told me that the theme of today’s sermon was forgiveness! 

“How did you know, David?” she said.

“God works in mysterious ways” I replied. I also reminding her that I an ordained reverend of the ULC.

On Friday I when I was at work and visited by my favourite fantasy checkout girl, Sam, a strawberry blonde with braces.  She told me she had left Budgens and wanted to work as a cashier at the big T.  I have always flirted with her and now it looks like I will be working with her too. Yummy!

My neighbour, Ceri is selling up her mother’s camper van and I am half tempted to buy it and set off on a journey of adventure preferably with either Rachael or Sam (the latter is much younger but I feel I know the former better and fancy them both like mad)

So what of life apart from the above?  Not that much really.  Made a really odd dinner today which I liked and Matt hated.  Oxtail stew with dumplings followed by Melon, Mango and Physallis (sic) fruit salad and melted Mars Ice Cream.

Anyhow nighty night

Love

Davidxxxxxxxxxx

I am temporarily writing on here as am struggling to get the effects I need on my new blog.  I hope all my ex-readers are well, even the mysterious no-name (whose name I think I know!).

20 Recent events (today):

1. Dad has become depressed (prostate cancer)
2. Almost no-one writes blogs anymore
3. Spring having temporarily sprung into summer regressed again
4. The swifts have finally returned
5. Beloved Son has developed some kind of genital infection.
6. Nevertheless I am glad he wasn’t circumcised
7. He has split with his girlfriend again
8. Mowed the lawn which serially scared the dog
9. Wound up Janice at work today
10. Am shortly going to bed
11. Didn’t hurt my back (altho did yesterday!)
12. Didn’t go riding
13. Had sex before work
14. That was a mistake, especially after mowing the lawn
15. Bought a present for nutty next-door neighbour (aged 60 tomorrow).
16. Who then slagged of beloved son on his early return from a party
17. Tomorrow we will poison her neurotic cat
18. Watford FC beat Crystal Palace 0 -3 in the play-offs
19. ‘The Management’ provided a free buffet today
20. Burnt my hand and have no blisters
21. I love life

Oh well that is enuf

Davidxxxxxxxxxx

Just (well it seems like just) been at work for what seems like all day…the feeling largely due to my very large shoes as well as a general ennui.

Shoes are size 10 (43 or 44 continental) but are safety shoes with said steel toecap and weigh a ton each.  Like Mr Clapton’s guitar my feet are gently (or not so!!!) screaming!

Bruno (dog) has been rambunctious (sic) today.  Partly due to spring fever and also becos he is a growing boy (emphasis on the latter).

I don’t want to talk about work although there is some to be said..

Rather embarrassingly I learnt (or should it be learned?) how to zoom my phone camera.  Oh dear!

Speaking with my dear father depressed me immensely ce soir.  His survival technique (since Mum died/was jointly killed) is doing domestic chores and that is what I get verbally every phone call.  Yawn…but I guess he has Betty as a companion now.

My niece, will graduate from Loughborough Uni (what I think of as a college) in July and in her (actually her parents) generosity has invited all the family along (plus free overnight accommodation) to her graduation dinner.  Sod that!

I am not going to go..what is this anyhow?  I graduated but don’t remember the dinner!

Just another money making exercise.

Against my initial will (I) watched ‘Constantine’  on TeeVue this evening.  I love good versa evil type.  Not entirely sure who one..just like life I think.

Just a ramble tonite, sorry or not

Regards,

David

Good Deed of the day:- going to see Mrs F in her elderly persons place (my ex-next door neighbour who I rescued when she fell and broke her hip) and taking the dog with me (she loves dogs).

I was surprised they allowed the dog in.  All the residents (the compos mentis ones) loved him and the carers were totally besotted

Bad Deeds of the day:-

1. Dog was rather copiously car sick on the journey home.
   
   
2. Matt went to see Kelly and promised to return at 6:30pm.  Cooked one of our favourite dinners.  Had mine at about 6:45 after a suitable wait.  His was put in the microwave.
   
   He returned home just before 10 pm.  Enough said.

I believe it should be made obligatory that everyone should see the film ‘The Passion of The Christ’ on Good Friday.  Am looking forward to the sequels that I have  tentatively called ‘The Resurrection’, ‘The Second Coming’ and maybe even ‘What ever happened to Mary (Magdalene)?’

So what else happened today to you guys (if there are any of you out there left)??????

Happy Easter

Davidxxxx

PS: Sorry about the weird font sizes...don't know what happened there!

tAn outbreak of minor weirdness has occurred.

 The pink amaryllis has turned white and grown even more humongous  whilst the deep red miniature has also grown much larger and turned pink.

 Is this global warming gone mad or is it just me?

No one seems to be on these days so I guess this anodyne blog has bored people silly….well nevermind. Either that or I am upsetting people, Whatever! Please write me at davide.maggio@gmail.com for a more unexpurgated version of me as well as an invite to join.

 The grass in the gardens is beginning to need to be cut.  The beautiful purple clematis has died and the vine seems rather moribund also.  Most of the tulips are blind and the paeonies (sic) are flowerless for the second year in succession.  The sweet violets are taking over the back garden and may have strangled my wild marjoram as well.

 Dog is still not quite there with his toilet training or his cat socialisation either but I will persevere.

 It is a totally beautiful spring day today and I can’t wait to take doggy for a walkies

 Love

 Mexxxxxxxxxxx

at davide.maggio@gmail.com for a more unexpurgated version of me as well as an invite to join.

The grass in the gardens is beginning to need to be cut. The beautiful purple clematis has died and the vine seems rather moribund also. Most of the tulips are blind and the paeonies (sic) are flowerless for the second year in succession. The sweet violets are taking over the back garden and may have strangled my wild marjoram as well.

Dog is still not quite there with his toilet training or his cat socialisation either but I will persevere.

It is a totally beautiful spring day today and I can’t wait to take doggy for a walkies

Love

Mexxxxxxxxxxx

I love the juxtaposition of male and female in the amaryllis plant.  I also love the fact that I have a virgin white one (the tallest) and a deep red double one which is catching up in height as well.

The latter is not quite flowering just yet but has started to open

Enough said as I have to feed and walk the dog before going to work, yet again via bus

Love

Davidxxxx  

The first thing Bruno thought about this morning!

So despite the cold wind spring has finally sprung and there is no stopping it now.  The garden is slowly but inevitably turning green.  Only one casualty this year and that looks like the burgundy clematis that grew in profusion up the rescued weeping cherry.  Shame but such is plant life.

So many of my plants have been rescued.

When we moved here. many moons ago, most of these little terraces (these days called cottages by Estate Agents) were lived in by the original inhabitants.  When they died builders bought up their properties and ripped them out inside and out.  My garden remains the coolest in the street, most others are bricked car parks; mine obviously is not.  And full of rescued remants.

Now I am the second/third oldest resident in the road…kinda worrying!

My Italian Uncle-in Law once gave me a handful of Roman coins.  They were beautiful but of no intrinsic worth as well worn.  I have scattered then in the garden to give future archaelogists a hard time!

The sky is still  the most beautiful eggshell blue and the sun warm on my body.  Todays’ highlights so far (don’t hold your breathes’)

1. Taking Bruno for a walk in the frosted park in the early morning sun
2. Washing our dressing gowns and for the first time in 2006 hanging them out to dry on the line.
3. Censored.  

My Athletic Son went ice-skating with his girlfriend on Monday but fell over so many times that he came home with serious aches and pains.  They remain besotted with each other, which is nice as well as a little worrying also.

I am working on what might be the greatest piece of computer art ever (or perhaps not!) but hey who cares!

Am endeavouring to build up enough steam to sell of various bits and bobs on eBay.  I have 3 mobile phones to sell (Sony Eriksson t610, Samsung 100a & a Nokia 7600) as well a PDA with satnav.

It is easier to buy than to sell on eBay.  Need spec and photos to sell.  Just money to buy!

Along time ago we set up a trust fund type of thing for Matt (when there was money about).  When it came to fruition they would not pay out (The Children’s Mutual) as Matt’s current signature is different to that on his driving license and his passport.

Their last letter was so bureaucratic that I sent them a serially strong letter.  In effect they wanted a letter with his current signature countersigned by a priest, a doctor or whoever in a position of authority. As his Father as well as a certified Reverend of the ULC this did the trick.  He now has a cheque for nearly £3000!

On the latter point I recommend that everyone becomes certified with the ULC (www.ulc.com).  It costs nada and can be a powerful tool in various ways.  Think about it maybe peeps??

I wonder how the Easter (Oeastre) Hare became a Rabbit?  We didn’t have rabbits until the Romans came. Easter is now a pagan festival and it's a shame that it has been pseudo christianised.  It is also a movable feast….how come???  Did Jesus get crucified at different times?

What do rabbits and easter eggs have in common? Nada!  Watch Mel Gibsons fillim and then think on.

Love

Davidxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Where to begin?

Friday I finished work on the dot (difficult when working with the Gladys creature aka Janice) and Matt collected me already showered and suited.  Went home and did a quick change into my super smart black suit and lilac shirt with blue and lilac tie and my poshest shoes.

Matt drove us down the M1 whilst I spent most of the journey trying to get TomTom to work on my smartphone (the only location of the venue we had).  It was not much before Hemel Hempstead that I finally established a link-up with my Bluetooth gps receiver.

As I was looking for the Manor House (wasn’t in the list) all I had was the road but we found the place just like that.  Arrived at about 9:30pm some 2 ½ hours after it had started.  Thus, we missed the champagne but not much else.

At the age of seven I was the page at their wedding which is why Matt decided I had to go.  He also likes his cousins so that was his motive for going.

Uncle Roy, who is 72, and a reformed alcoholic is slowly dying of  prostrate cancer as well as ulcerated bowels (don’t ask!)  Aunty Pam is slightly younger (age not known) and was totally out of it.

My immediate family had established themselves at a table next to the DJ come singer so by the time we got there conversation was rather difficult due to the proximity of the speakers. 

My family consisted of Elizabeth sister (who managed to look remarkably like my mother) her two kids, Jamie and Louise.  My Kuwaiti sister and Brother in Law (Janet and John…just like the books I learnt to read with at Infant School!) were represented by my other two nephews’ and nieces’; Jason and Jehan.  Father was also present.

After from some very small talk and an unintentional insult to Chris, my cousin and Roy and Pam’s son (he is the spitting image of Grant from Eastenders and I told him so…not such a good idea) and a bit of socialising and dancing I was buttonholed by Dad.

Dad has developed a (what he thinks is) platonic relationship with someone called Betty (aged 80) who lives around the corner but has decided that she is getting a bit to serious so he wanted my advice…. Dad is so naïve in many things…his best mates are Betty (who needs two sticks to walk with..he just uses one) and Patrick the next door transvestite.  Enough said I think.

I knew virtually no-one else in the room/hall.  Roy has always been a Mason and was a Master of his Lodge (Me not fond of secret societies of any kind) as well as a keen golfer (one time president of Moor Park Golf Club) so I was in effect mixing with aliens .

We’d had trouble with the satnav on the phone once I got it working as I had set up the direction voice as ‘Robot’ and neither of us could understand it very well so I had to look at the phone screen.  On the way back we used the ‘Jane’ voice so at least we knew where we were going which was useful as I was driving and Matt was texting his girlfriend. .

Got home just before 1.00am but neither of us were particularly tired.  On the way down the motorway was busy and slow (apparently on both sides due to roadworks). Coming home we diverted on to the A5. Much better.

Yesterday (now the day before yesterday) was a work day and well staffed due to the return of Charlotte who has been off on a years maternity leave.  Even with an extra body we still managed to run out of cutlery, plates and trays.

Today has been a quieter day altho Bruno (dog) nearly got killed after he escaped his leash and run towards the busy bypass.  He fell down the curb and then responded to my shouts and returned.

Much more to say but no time left to say it in….

Love

Davidxxxx

Last night the heavens opened, like seriously.  Matt came to collect me from work (at the front door rather than at the bus stop by the filling station).  It was serious rain and cos the drains couldn’t cope the roads started to flood. 

One chubby lady with umbrella got soaked by him (he couldn’t help it but we both laughed; two sociopaths now not just one!!)

Matt got knocked in MY car yesterday so we now have a dented passenger door and will have to live with it ‘cos the insurance risk is too big. ‘ Twas not his fault apparently.

The home grown amaryllis’s are in a strange mood.  The pink one has a huge (over a metre) erection with sadly small flowers developing.  The red one is looking much healthier however.

All this rain should be useful in the garden.

Matt is working today so I have to use the bus again. Oh dear!  

‘Tis another beautiful spring-like day.  Slowly, slowly the cats are getting acclimatised to the dog but it remains a slow process.

Tonight my last remaining uncle (fathers side) is having his Golden Wedding Anniversary Party and thanx to Matt I have agreed to go.  The affair lasts from 7:30 ‘til  11.00pm.  I finish work at about 8:00pm so we won’t be there too long (thank you Lord!!!)

Need to get ready for work now so shall go

Love

Davidxxxxxxxxxx  

So here we reflect on my nom de plume & especial thanx to www.bible.org :-

Revelation 6

The Seven Seals

6:1 I looked on when the Lamb opened one of the seven seals, and I heard one of the four living creatures saying with a thunderous voice,¹ “Come!”² 6:2 So³ I looked,⁴ and here came⁵ a white horse! The⁶ one who rode it⁷ had a bow, and he was given a crown,⁸ and as a conqueror⁹ he rode out to conquer.

6:3 Then¹⁰ when the Lamb¹¹ opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature saying, “Come!”

6:4 And another horse, fiery red,¹² came out, and the one who rode it¹³ was granted permission¹⁴ to take peace from the earth, so that people would butcher¹⁵ one another, and he was given a huge sword.

6:5 Then¹⁶ when the Lamb opened the third seal I heard the third living creature saying, “Come!” So¹⁷ I looked,¹⁸ and here came¹⁹ a black horse! The²⁰ one who rode it²¹ had a balance scale²² in his hand.

6:6 Then²³ I heard something like a voice from among the four living creatures saying, “A quart²⁴ of wheat will cost a day’s pay²⁵ and three quarts of barley will cost a day’s pay. But²⁶ do not damage the olive oil and the wine!”

6:7 Then²⁷ when the Lamb opened the fourth seal I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying, “Come!”

6:8 So²⁸ I looked²⁹ and here came³⁰ a pale green³¹ horse! The³² name of the one who rode it³³ was Death, and Hades followed right behind.³⁴ They³⁵ were given authority over a fourth of the earth, to kill its population with the sword,³⁶ famine, and disease,³⁷ and by the wild animals of the earth.

6:9 Now³⁸ when the Lamb opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of those who had been violently killed³⁹ because of the word of God and because of the testimony they had given.

6:10 They⁴⁰ cried out with a loud voice,⁴¹ “How long,⁴² Sovereign Master,⁴³ holy and true, before you judge those who live on the earth and avenge our blood?”

6:11 Each⁴⁴ of them was given a long white robe and they were told to rest for a little longer, until the full number was reached⁴⁵ of both their fellow servants⁴⁶ and their brothers who were going to be killed just as they had been.

6:12 Then⁴⁷ I looked when the Lamb opened the sixth seal, and a huge⁴⁸ earthquake took place; the sun became as black as sackcloth made of hair,⁴⁹ and the full moon became blood red;⁵⁰

6:13 and the stars in the sky⁵¹ fell to the earth like a fig tree dropping⁵² its unripe figs⁵³ when shaken by a fierce⁵⁴ wind.

6:14 The sky⁵⁵ was split apart⁵⁶ like a scroll being rolled up,⁵⁷ and every mountain and island was moved from its place.

6:15 Then⁵⁸ the kings of the earth, the⁵⁹ very important people, the generals,⁶⁰ the rich, the powerful, and everyone, slave⁶¹ and free, hid themselves in the caves and among the rocks of the mountains.

 6:16 They⁶² said to the mountains and to the rocks, “Fall on us and hide us from the face of the one who is seated on the throne and from the wrath of the Lamb,⁶³

6:17 because the great day of their⁶⁴ wrath has come, and who is able to withstand it?”⁶⁵

6.18 NOT ME MATE!

6.19 And thus it was that God thought what a load of crap!...even worse mankind will take this drug inhanced nonsense and try and interpret it.

6.20  In the year 1000 the world did not end!

6.21  In the year 2000 the worls did not end either.

My sermon of the day:-

What is a priest but someone that bashes others over the head with metaphors and homilies. mostly they (the congregation)  are old and thus vunerable?

A priest is also a cudgel for killing fish!  Enough said!

Penance is Catholic idea and that despite its' continuing corruption (that version of Christianity that is) is the only true religion 4me.  The rest are just spin-offs.

Catholic actually means 'open to ideas' in Latin.  The Catholic Church has lost its way but the English schisisms (Super sic) have lost it further.

We are chained by work, life and our believes.  Bbreak free, Brothers and Sisters and think for a change

Love God, Love Yourself and the rest

Peace, Love and Agape

Davidxxxxxxxxxxxxxx